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filler@godaddy.com
My Journey...
an urgency to be born
“Somebody catch the baby” - my mum shouted out as I shot out of her like a cannonball into a cold, harsh, unforgiving world.
There was an urgency to be born.
And at the same time, as I grew up I felt that the world wasn’t ready to receive me and what I had to offer. I was in for quite a bumpy ride and in spite of all the challenges and suffering I have endured and overcome -
I am grateful for every minute for each moment has made me who I am today and given me the courage to show up the way I do for myself and others. I am not here to fit in.
As a result of not feeling like I fit it, I didn’t always feel confident to be myself. I compared myself constantly to my sisters and others and felt less than and never ever good enough - I wasn’t perfect and I wasn’t like anyone else.
a highly sensitive soul
From early on - I had a difficult time digesting food. I wasn’t able to digest my mothers milk even. At the dinner table, I would often wait till everyone had finished their food so I could feel the energy settle so there was space to eat and digest my food.
As a highly sensitive soul, I came in with empathic and intuitive abilities and a deep need for warmth and lots of loving attention. I often took things personally without knowing how to meet and feel my emotions. It became very confusing to me and I often felt frustrated and overwhelmed.
I didn’t like to be told what to do. I liked to do things my own way, so I can’t imagine how my mother managed me. She said if she made things into a game, then something in me seemed to lighten up and I would feel more at ease to be myself. My dad didn’t really understand me. He didn’t know how to support me when I would get upset. He would tell me to pull myself together and stop being so pathetic.
I learned that having emotions was bad and wrong. And yet, I lived in a world of emotions and feelings, and didn’t know what to do with them. I didn’t feel understood, and this made me feel like I didn’t belong.
Close the deal
I longed deeply to be understood, I longed for someone who would be able to say, "it’s okay. I get you. You are okay just the way you are. In Fact, I love you just the way you are. There is nothing wrong with you."
What a revelation.
I often wondered why people talked so much. I couldn’t understand what kept them so interested in conversations. I just wanted to play. I would spend hours outside. My favorite place was the swing that hung from a huge oak tree. I loved it. I felt free.Growing up, I continued to have difficulty digesting food. I felt unhappy, lonely and alone.
I longed for someone to love me and understand me. Someone who would pay attention to me and see me for who I am.
I felt like I was born into the wrong world. I felt stuck in my body, like I couldn’t breathe. And I didn’t know why. I felt hopeless and constantly frustrated.
deep dive inward
Over the years, I realized I needed to create a calm space with lots of warmth inorder to eat and digest my food. The energy in the space is very important for the success of my digestion… Because I can feel dis-ease in the space.
Developing awareness and connecting to my human parts has given me access to learn more about what this dis-ease is which has informed me how to respond and put words to the energy.
I have learned to be gentle and loving to myself. This deep dive inward gave me a clear understanding as to why I was having such difficulty digesting my food. It has been relentless.
By receiving myself and accepting me the way I am, I can now digest my food. And yes, there are some foods I can’t eat because of allergies, yet my acceptance has created much more ease in my body.
Because I re-partent my wounds by meeting my inner child and give her the love and attention she has always needed, the stories of her feeling imperfect, not good enough and the fear of doing things wrong don’t run my life. She is often confused and doesn’t know what to do… I am now able to reassure her and give her the support she needs.
Through my practice with Aikido, I am consistantly cutivating awarensess and grounding in my body helping me to feel safe in the world. I am leanring a new way to relate with myself and others that is connected, powerful and compassionate.
a safe, sacred playground
I know that I am not my wounds and my past. I am whole and complete as my awareness. I am worthy of love and open to love. I allow space for the energy to settle and I am still working through layers of wounding and meeting my human parts with my awareness as it arises. This is a huge process of our human evolution.
I offer a playground that is sacred and safe to explore and discover parts of the self that may not have gotten the right kind of love and attention in the younger years. By meeting what is in the space with love, you get to experience who you are and feel safe to be yourself - all of you, and even the parts you don’t like.
You get to love that part and learn what it needs and wants so it can feel relaxed inside of its own field and relationships.
By meeting what arises with love, we get to feel safe to be ourselves.
“The greatest accomplishment is to be ourselves in a world that is constantly trying to make us someone else.” - W. W. Emerson